2 June 2017
It’s evening here. I have put on a sweater, and sitting outside (no fire) writing this. The patio has become my favorite writing place. Duke sits close by wondering what I’m doing outside, while watching for the ever-elusive bunny to invade our lawn again. The bunny was just mere steps away from the front door yesterday morning and tonight when I finally got home. His reaction to bunnies is that of the dogs in “The Life of Pets” as they are easily distracted when they see a squirrel. Hilarious movie.
Several thoughts flit around my head, along with a gazillion topics to create new blog threads. I remind myself to stay focused.
I was originally going to write about being fragile. I had a small issue at the concession stand at the movie theatre. I only wanted to grab a small snack and the smallest Diet Coke (no ice) they could give me, and watch the movie. Emotions ran high, but I maintained my cool as I was humiliated in front of lines of people. What I was asking for was something simple. What I got was disrespect as a customer. I took my money back. I was late for the previews (I love previews!) and found a seat. Tears streamed down my face, and I was surrounded by strangers, unable to escape. I pulled my sunglasses down as I silently cried. Sometimes some of the easiest things will ignite a fire of emotions for a woman in the middle of a divorce. Especially for a woman who has been through hell and back, having an affair flaunted in front of her for six months, and I think it goes all the way back to Lausanne, Switzerland, before Thanksgiving now. I resumed normal viewing, without my sunglasses, when I composed myself. Towards the end of the movie, I heard women around my crying, but my tears had run dry…for a bit. (I swear, Kleenex and Puffs should have had me as their spokeswoman this year!)
I saw “Wonder Woman” today-opening day. When I wrote my post about her, and superheroes, a few weeks ago I honestly didn’t know there was a movie! I have been so out of the loop: I don’t know what’s going on in the world; I don’t know what’s going on in the state; I barely know what my friends and family are up to. I have been in a shell, perhaps to protect myself, but to also keep my focus on me and my studies. I have spent too many days these past two weeks hiding in the dark. This morning was no exception. I didn’t open the blinds, but they’re not room darkening, so Duke had some light; just not as much as I would like. Poor little guy.
Wonder Woman. Ever since I was very young I’ve identified with her. Now I know why. The cinematic rendering, along with the actress playing a very strong female role, demonstrated traits that I possess. I question my strength. Where did it come from? How did I become so resilient? Diana, Princess of Themyscira, was born with a power. I have used her bracers to deflect gaslighting. I have used her shield to protect against waves of blame, agendas, words that were spoken to pierce through the skin. I have been fighting a battle that some women could never begin. I am the voice that many wish they had. I continue to fight battles nobody sees, or realizes what I am going through. So many battles fought alone, and could only be done alone. So many battles I dare not speak of. So many battles and I’ve had to choose which ones to fight.
In the movie, Diana’s mother tells her, “the world of men don’t deserve you.” This particular line resonated with me. It still runs through my head. I know why. I think I’ll keep it there for a while.
I knew Wonder Woman as Lynda Carter, and I watched the tv show. Gal Gadot is only the second WW I’ve known, as I didn’t know there were others. I’m looking forward to seeing her in “Justice League” and, hopefully, a sequel to her own movie. I even bought the soundtrack, something I generally don’t do, and have it playing as I type.
This movie was an inspiration to women of all ages. The special effects were really neat, but, as a writer and a fan of the character, I was looking beyond. What she discovers in the end is what I’ve lost. However, the resilience to keep pushing forward, to never give up, and do what you must are strong character traits that is part of my character make-up.
I don’t know how I’ve survived, or gotten this far, or how I even got here, but my therapist, attorney, friends and family tell me it’s because of a very powerful strength I possess. I identify with Wonder Woman. I know somewhere, out there, there is at least one other person who identifies with her, too, or wants/hopes to be as strong as I am. Just as little Diana watched her aunt, and all the other Amazons, in training, aspiring to their level, I know there’s a certain niece out there who is astounded by all that I do, and aspiring to her own level. If Wonder Woman was such/is a role model for me, I can be that same role model for my niece. I can push beyond the disloyalty that is not a marriage, say “NO MORE” by taking a stand and voice for someone who has a hard time trying to find her (or his) own voice.
Those damn lemons are still waiting to be mixed; the boundaries keep growing bigger and longer. All of my previous posts seem to be coming together, intertwined, as I look at finalizing week 9. Thesis revisions. Empowerment is also a theme in the novel I am writing.
I left the theatre feeling empowered. Something I needed. What I discovered, once I reached my vehicle after the movie, is for another thread…
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