Tag: irreparable



18 May 2017

A superhero demonstrates powers beyond human. Not everyone can have superpowers.  In my mind, these are the following qualities:

  • Overcome immense adversity (my Wasband doesn’t count. Nor does the whore)
  • Find a way to rise above (see parentheses above)
  • Portray a human characteristic
  • Use powers for the betterment of humanity (can’t do this if you don’t possess any powers. Again, see parentheses above)
  • Thinking you’re a king and queen. Imposters don’t belong.  This does not fit into the super hero dynamic.  Wasbands and whores who address each other as a king and queen need a reality check and get out of Fantasyland. They don’t belong there either.

I belong with the superheroes.  I am Wonder Woman.  No, really.  She was my idol growing up. I even had WW Underoos, but they stayed hidden because superheroes only transform during cries for help; then they’re true selves are shown.  Plus, Underoos were glorified underwear.  Today, I don’t even think they could pass for a costume; they were that skimpy.

Wonder Woman’s background is interesting.  She is part Amazon with a Greek history in her lineage.  She is smart and beautiful.  She has an aura about her.  She could deflect anything with her gold bracelets.

I have managed to survive a cruise ship, nine days in Chile, 2 ½ months living under the same roof, getting through 2 ¾ terms of school, work, and a pending divorce.  If I was still sharing a residence, I know I would not be where I am today…at all.  I sat still, furiously fidgeting, for four months, cleaned up some clutter, made the house my own, and still trying to make the perfect lemonade drink.   I created boundaries (deflecting things that could bring harm) and have said ‘no more.’

I have always embraced my independence.  It’s who I am.  I am a strong woman and welcoming the liberation a life that was tossed away (not my choice).  I still stumble, but I also stopped trying once I recognized I wasn’t wanted.  I bargained for a brief, dark moment at the onset of the Wasband’s confession, but I quickly dropped it once I saw his true colors floating in front of my eyes.  There was no fix to this.  At least not on my end.  The damage from the battlefield added to more things irreparable.

Wonder Woman is a warrior.  I am a warrior.  There is an acute degree of strength within myself, and it really comes out after dark moments and even a few bad days.  I possess power and grace.  I belong to an elite group.  I am confident.  I am a role model.  I am paving my own path to become my own special super heroine.  I am.


Latches and Attachments

Latches and Attachments

11 February 2017

I keep trying to reach out, grasping, finding something to latch onto.  I discover what I am grabbing is me-catching myself before I fall from being off-balance.  My focus is on me and only me.  This is my time to be selfish, to do what needs to be done to take care of myself.  I can’t worry about someone else.  I can’t worry about how that someone else feels.  However, I do welcome the warm thoughts that I am not alone in these thoughts.  Friends and family echo this sentiment and are standing behind me, ready to catch me if I fall backwards when I can’t seem to find a way to stumble forward.

A latch requires two or more objects to work in joining the pieces together.  Metaphorically, wedding bands and wedding rings are a type of a latch, plus a written contract, that joins two people together.  Without sawing the metal in half, it’s hard to break this latch.  Unless there’s another force in the mix, and someone is trying to find a new attachment; attempting to put different pieces together that simply aren’t going to work…at all.  Does removing a band constitute a broken contract?  If done deliberately, yes, but it’s the official signature that will break the contract, releasing the latch.  The latch will break and the attachments fall off.  Once this happens, it’s irreparable.

This is week four of the term.  I have no idea how I have survived, but I will finish out the week strong.  This is peer review week, for both of my classes, and I feel empowered being surrounded by students/writers reaching to achieve the same goal: to have a completed thesis by the time we’re done with our classes (for me, it’s June 11!).  Next week is the halfway point and there is more of my thesis to write, as assigned.  My protagonist, Natalie, is going to believe she is following her dream path.  She will lose herself as she latches onto an ideal.  She won’t stumble as I have been doing; she will crash to the ground.

A latch and the attachments are only as strong as they have been properly secured.  Sometimes they might disengage because the wood or material was weak.  They can only break when someone tries to forcefully break the mechanism.  My latch is dangling by a tiny thread, but the damage has already been done.  I reach for a railing if there is one close by; family and friends are near.  Otherwise, I am focusing on my inner strength to begin building my own latch and attachments.