Tag: clutter

Run, Don’t Walk

Run, Don’t Walk

22 February 2018

The official countdown begins. The day is nearing where I can finally close a door to an old life; one that I had no choice but to exit after being harshly and suddenly abandoned, but have been soaring ever since, and I am a happier person. Have to be. I had to find pieces of myself that I lost. I am still finding a more permanent “normal,” but will find something in this temporary state.

I took some time last night, while packing a suitcase, to enjoy the peace in my new home. I’m almost there. Scraps of clutter still linger in a house I am prepared to leave. I’ve only been sleeping there these past two weeks; I’ve been eating and unpacking at my new place, and Duke has been doing the same…except the unpacking part.  I was able to enjoy watching some of the Olympics, which I haven’t been doing because I’ve been between and writing in a different spot.

With upcoming travel, I do notice how quiet it really is without Duke. He silently fills in spaces of rooms I occupy, which can be many as I move around often. Plus, he’s been sick with a sinus infection, so I’ve had to deal with his excessive urination because of the prednisone he’s been on.  Poor little guy. He’s been traveling back and forth with me, as we both adjust and he seems to like the new place. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s never returning to the house. When I pick him up after returning from travel, he will go straight to our new home. I have moved the last pieces of his things. These may seem like small steps to me, but I know it’s more like a longer stride.

While on the subject of my dog, he bounded in from outside Tuesday night, after 1:30am, running like a crazy dog, with a look on his face that told me he was trying to be friendly, but had also done a bad thing. Yep. The neighborhood skunk was in the back yard again. We’ve seen it cross the street as we’re walking some days. It’s a nuisance. As he was trying to shake himself of the smell, I flat out told him, “The skunk is not a friendly animal for you to befriend. It’s not a cat!” He cocks his head off to the side, as if discerning what I’m telling him, and knowing I’m right.

So now the house smells like a skunk. I am trying to air it out. I will have to place air fresheners all over the house and that’s going to thrill my ex-husband to no end. I don’t care. I could be a bitch and leave it for him to deal with or take the high road; something I keep doing, but I do it for me, not for him. I really have gotten to the point where I don’t care about him, don’t care about what he’s doing. I…don’t…care. It’s refreshing to say this. However, Duke and the skunk have long since parted ways and the smell is bad. I had to give him another peroxide/baking soda/Dawn bath, and follow up with shampoo. The Nexus is at the new home, so he got a Pantene shampoo. He was rather fluffy before the day was over. HAHA I know he hasn’t been thrilled about me going out every night, but I have been spending the days with him since I haven’t been working.  Between his excessive peeing all over the place and the skunk incident, I can’t yell at him or scold him. He knows he’s done wrong, but I do know he’s stressing a little. He’s seen me having numerous meltdowns over the past two weeks, and shit just gets heavy. He does come to my side when I crumble. He is still my little rock. I am so thankful to have him. He’s been a blessing.

With my new writing location, I’ve been able to knock out a couple of hours of work before social interruptions begin. I don’t mind. It’s actually part of my research, and oh what fun I am having! I am feeling a bit stuck with The Downfall. I’ve reached a point where I can really begin to move the plot forward, but trying to figure out how to do it. Because this book is so important to me, and I need to finish it as part of my healing process, I need to break away from stressing about word counts and let it all click. With travel, getting away should help. I always feel better when I’m not where I reside.

Writers are constantly creating worlds and people. We also have a pile of ideas waiting to be penned. We need to work on our platform. I’ve been doing this for a while, but extending it beginning March 1: the day I emerge from a different door. Exciting times ahead, that’s for sure! I am constantly networking personally and professionally. I do not hesitate to mention this blog and what I’m writing. When asked, “What is your book about,” I take this as another instance to practice my pitch…that I’m still trying to refine. It’s getting there.

Revisions are under way with Seeing in the Dark, my thesis-turned-novel. I have finished revisions in Manna, my sci-fi short story. Once I am settled in, I will focus on queries. It’s time. Life will become business as usual with writing every night; occasionally taking myself out to write, not every night. It’s good to mix it up.

The job hunt is still in progress. I am also speaking at a student symposium, then taking a few days to spend with family. I am tweaking my soft skills presentation, but can give the talk in my sleep and without slides.

All of this means travel writing-my favorite part of being a writer. Flying offers a chance to put my earbuds in, play music, and focus on writing or revising. There aren’t a gazillion distractions. As much as I enjoy watching movies, I have a tendency to fall asleep, so I avoid watching on planes. Once upon a time I used to sleep. That went by the wayside of the do-do bird (pardon the cliché) beginning September 2016. Now I know why; it was during a time when my ex-husband was beginning to spend more time talking to females (one in particular) while trying to control and manipulate me. It was about him. It still is. That’s what a narcissist does.

The thoughts in my head have emptied out, making room for new words that can be used in The Downfall. But first, I must finish revising my presentation, and it’s not going to morph into a machine that will do it without my help.

Have a great weekend my dear readers. Thank you for following and reading. I will return next week with 1-2 more posts. I am running towards the finish line that will give me closure. I expect my writing to flourish once again.

Duke, all clean once again. He has such a personality.




18 May 2017

A superhero demonstrates powers beyond human. Not everyone can have superpowers.  In my mind, these are the following qualities:

  • Overcome immense adversity (my Wasband doesn’t count. Nor does the whore)
  • Find a way to rise above (see parentheses above)
  • Portray a human characteristic
  • Use powers for the betterment of humanity (can’t do this if you don’t possess any powers. Again, see parentheses above)
  • Thinking you’re a king and queen. Imposters don’t belong.  This does not fit into the super hero dynamic.  Wasbands and whores who address each other as a king and queen need a reality check and get out of Fantasyland. They don’t belong there either.

I belong with the superheroes.  I am Wonder Woman.  No, really.  She was my idol growing up. I even had WW Underoos, but they stayed hidden because superheroes only transform during cries for help; then they’re true selves are shown.  Plus, Underoos were glorified underwear.  Today, I don’t even think they could pass for a costume; they were that skimpy.

Wonder Woman’s background is interesting.  She is part Amazon with a Greek history in her lineage.  She is smart and beautiful.  She has an aura about her.  She could deflect anything with her gold bracelets.

I have managed to survive a cruise ship, nine days in Chile, 2 ½ months living under the same roof, getting through 2 ¾ terms of school, work, and a pending divorce.  If I was still sharing a residence, I know I would not be where I am today…at all.  I sat still, furiously fidgeting, for four months, cleaned up some clutter, made the house my own, and still trying to make the perfect lemonade drink.   I created boundaries (deflecting things that could bring harm) and have said ‘no more.’

I have always embraced my independence.  It’s who I am.  I am a strong woman and welcoming the liberation a life that was tossed away (not my choice).  I still stumble, but I also stopped trying once I recognized I wasn’t wanted.  I bargained for a brief, dark moment at the onset of the Wasband’s confession, but I quickly dropped it once I saw his true colors floating in front of my eyes.  There was no fix to this.  At least not on my end.  The damage from the battlefield added to more things irreparable.

Wonder Woman is a warrior.  I am a warrior.  There is an acute degree of strength within myself, and it really comes out after dark moments and even a few bad days.  I possess power and grace.  I belong to an elite group.  I am confident.  I am a role model.  I am paving my own path to become my own special super heroine.  I am.




16 February 2017

Fifteen years is a long time to invest in a relationship.  It’s also a long time to accumulate memories and clutter.  I have another sticky note on my desk, where I spend a significant amount of time working on homework and writing my thesis, that says, “DUMP THE CLUTTER.”  That’s it.  All caps.  It doesn’t need to say anything else.

There is clutter in my house and then there is clutter.  At least once a week I pick a box or a tote and empty it out.  Lately, I have been tossing out two to three garbage bags of clutter that has mysteriously accumulated.  In life, it’s easy to get sidetracked and not pay attention to some of the things we once used to do.  Like, for instance, tossing out junk mail right away.  While I have gotten better at this, I can honestly say I was the one left dealing with so many things.  This, basically in a nutshell, became another type of clutter.  This clutter would come back to try to bite me in the ass, but I have a superpower deflector shield that wouldn’t let narcissistic tendencies take control of anything.  The blame game is only good if the argument is valid.  I have heard zero valid arguments.

This is my halfway point in this term!  I am excited, but also stressing a little because I have so much more to do before the seventh week arrives and before the last (10th) week gets here.  I do not perceive this as clutter.

I am working on the next few chapters of my thesis and Natalie hasn’t learned that her life is also full of clutter.  She suspects there’s something not right, but can only begin to guess.

It’s hard to see the large piles of clutter if you’re not in the moment and off somewhere else.  Clutter doesn’t exist in Fantasy Land…at least, not that we know of.  I haven’t been there, but know of someone who is visiting right now.  With that said, I am guessing even if there was clutter in the fantasy world, it’s not going to be seen by the people who don’t have any respect for life…despite what they say and think.  This does bring me back to Natalie, because she will need to recognize this simple fact in her life, and figure out how to dump the clutter.   Always easier said than done.

Space(s) free of clutter brings mental clarity.  A clutter-free environment is also about being at peace.

As I continue to sift through clutter around my house, through the clutter of words in my thesis, and through the clutter resting uneasily in my mind, I have begun to laugh at some of the silliness because I have decided that I am not going to let any clutter hurt me any longer, rob me of a new life I will be pursuing, and I’m certainly not going to regret tossing out anything that doesn’t have a purpose.  This clutter is not for me.