Flaunting in the Middle of a Mess

Flaunting in the Middle of a Mess

15 April 2017

A brief intermission from thesis writing…

It’s week two of my last term.  In between reading, writing, more reading and a lot more writing, I am flaunting my home improvement skills (bear with me for a minute) with issues around the house.  I can’t determine if the wine fridge fan has finally died, but I am watching the dual temperature thermostat, especially on the red wines.  There are patches on walls that were never spackled and holes in walls of a room that need patching, spackling, texturing, and painting.  I have finally covered the spare bedroom in painter’s tape, ready to splash on a new color.  I’m still going with the ‘make it mine’ mentality.

Baseboard trim is missing in some areas, and I cannot touch power tools.  I want to repaint the living room and the grays just aren’t cutting it.  I am now deciding if I should go with a blue/gray tone, but worried it will darken the room.  I’ve had to order blinds, pending installation in two weeks; three weeks too late after a weekend of avoiding a stalker.  I would like to know who paints bricks of a fireplace white?  Even further, how do you remove the paint…  At this point, my guess is it will be someone else’s quandry to deal with.

The yard is a mess.  The garage is a mess.  The master bedroom is a mess.  My office is a mess.  My life is a mess. I stare at all of this─constant reminders that I am only able to focus on myself and finishing this term─and cannot take care of things around the house; at least not right away.  I am reminded of my “moderate depression” (because of the mess I was forced into), and simple chores like emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, mopping, and putting my clothes away is too much at times.  I am penny pinching while someone else is building up debt, continuing to flaunt an affair in front of me.  I would love nothing more than to simply escape.  Get away for three days.  Go to Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth where I can be myself and get lost in the crowds.  More than anything, and for the last two months, this is all I have wanted, but I continue to take the high road, sit still, and pinch those pennies.

The reality is I can escape.   But until things are finalized, more importantly¸ when my education is completed, I use my writing as means to escape.  Take me to another world where a female needs to alter past events to wake up from a coma.  Or get lost in a poetry book (in progress since June 2016) about everything broken.  To be honest, it’s about my thesis; poetry is another avenue I pursue beyond this blog and days of multiple exercising.  Another 5,000 words is due by Sunday.  I need to clarify questions my instructed posted.  Yep, it’s a good thing I can’t escape; I would fall behind, and I’m so close it’s the last thing I want to do.

Beyond emotions, heart break, and mental struggles I credit thesis writing, and taking full-time classes as my saving grace.  Time to embrace it and not worry about those in contempt.  I know I will end up in a much better place, and I am still looking forward to the future.  Writing has, once again, become a priority in my life and I won’t let that be taken from me. I don’t need to flaunt my successes.  Instead, I will give myself a big hug for making it as far as I have.  And somewhere in between, slowly work on home improvements to begin undoing a mess.  Part of the clutter to need to remove.




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