4 April 2017
Week 9 was a difficult finals week for me, but I made it through. Week 10 followed and I swear I was being sabotaged. Every moment I had to work on two assignments and my final projects was thwarted by someone whose only concern was for themselves. I placed more boundaries up after Mr. Not Relevant returned after another (more than) two week fling this time. He didn’t like these particular boundaries. This was the same person who recently told me, “You have to finish school,” as I have been trying to use those damn lemons to make a drink worth savoring. (I’m still working on it, by the way.) I think Mr. NR forgot saying this to me the first two months being under the same roof. My focus was my thesis. His focus was flaunting and tormenting.
I have turned my life into an all-about-Karen because I resolved to focus on me and my education. I wasn’t going to let this ‘someone’ take the last remaining hours of 17TW3 away from me. I was too close to finishing.
Week Ten. Here we go. Two reflective essays (2nd final project) had to be written, carefully following the rubric, and turned in before 11:59pm Sunday. I focused on the essay for my English/thesis class. Finished, proofread, revised, re-read, revised, polished, saved and submitted. I stared at my computer screen. Submission complete. Whoa. I reminded myself I had one more essay to write and the clock was still ticking. Following the rubric for my Seminar in Writing Instruction, I drafted a three-page essay. Rinse. Repeat. Save. Upload. Submission complete.
10:30 pm, I became very still in my chair. Then cried. Hard. I did it. I got through ten weeks of the most challenging days, weeks, and months of my life. How the hell did I do this? How did I survive all of this?
I still had to wait for my final grades. The day arrived. I ordered my transcript and read the letters inked into the paper. ENG 549 Thesis Writing-A. ENG 670 Seminar in Writing Instruction-A. Proof of determination and survival. That sticky note, “YOU CAN DO IT,” remained on my monitor through this nightmare, and still remains.
I thank my family, friends: my entire support system, and professors for being there, especially during the dark days when I couldn’t focus; I couldn’t put my head into my assignments, or even my thesis; the days when the crazy mind took over and wouldn’t let anything else in; the moments when the emotions hit me like a brick wall and the tears just fell; the days when I reacted to someone’s behavior, or words infiltrated my mind, putting me on an emotional roller coaster once again. Everyone played a part in me getting to this point. No part was too small. This was so critical and I needed every moment, every word of encouragement, every hug, every smile, every heart-beat that also felt the stabs I endured-everything.
My journey isn’t quite over yet…