4 March 2017
“It’s yours, until we sell it,” I was told last Sunday. After the door closed, again, I immediately noticed the absence of the white noise I had known for 15 years. I will admit I was overwhelmed by this for a moment and felt those emotions rushing at me again. I embraced them, felt them, and released them to reset my mind. I told myself that this was another change, just as I will experience many more to come, and that I would be okay. In fact, I made the decision to begin creating my own white noise within my temporary home.
It’s been a week of torment and torture. Of suspicions and confirmations that I really did not need. However, this was a good example of personal and professional life colliding and it’s not something I prefer to keep going with. There are prospects down the road, which solidifies my thoughts that I am going places. With the roller coaster I’ve been on all week, I have neglected my studies; something I’m not happy about, but I needed to get the focus back on me so that I can finish the week strong.
Friday afternoon I received a dozen colored roses. My cousin, when she ordered them, knew my week was already rough. Little did any of us know how much rougher it would become. I also received a certificate, as I was putting the flowers into a vase, from the National Society of Leadership and Success. I have received recognition for being a National Engaged Leader. Last week I was inducted into Sigma Delta Tau, the International English Honor Society. It’s a really good feeling, despite everything I’m going through, to know that I am still making waves in 2017. I wrapped up Friday evening sharing a really good Syrah/Zinfandel bottle with a friend.
I am alone now, but far from lonely. I am surrounded by the best support network I could ask for, local and distant, and my family always remains a phone call away. I have my education and view every module I complete each week as a major success. By midnight every Sunday, I take a deep breath and ask how did I manage this? I only need to look at the sticky note on my desk-“YOU CAN DO THIS.” And I am.
It’s Saturday. I still need to tackle my homework, I still haven’t started, but I’m feeling a bit unsettled. There are pieces of furniture that needs to be moved around. So many broken promises are evident throughout the house, but I am resourceful and will get things taken care of myself. The fence outside needs boards nailed back into place. I can handle a hammer; just not power tools. Friends are coming over to help move the heavier pieces of furniture tonight. I am making fresh pizzas (from dough to sauce) and they’re bringing hot wings. Hard work will be rewarded with a few beers, perhaps a game or two of pool and a great evening full of laughter. My piano, hiding in the garage for three years, is finally going to be moved into the house. My china cabinet, once belonged to my maternal grandparents and has a 1928 date stamp on it, will be moved to another room for the time being. The doors need repairing and it needs new glass. I have added this to my list. The futon will be moved into a spare bedroom I now have, and my kitchen table, that my parents bought for me eons ago, will finally be used as such. I have already redecorated the fireplace mantle a little, cleaned up more clutter, and look forward to buying some much needed furniture (kitchen chairs, a bookshelf or two, a filing cabinet and a new yoga mat). During my week off between terms I am going to repaint the spare bedroom-lighten up the walls a little because it’s too far dark now.
Little by little, I am making the place a little more of my own while I am here for the time being. I don’t know where I will be, but that’s the best part of the future that I really look forward to!
I am in the middle of another post draft, but thought this post would offer some reflection into the strength and resolution of one woman who was officially deserted on December 1, received confirmation of desertion in the middle of the Pacific Ocean weeks later, and has kept her wits about her as her old life begins to morph into a life she will make her own.