28 February 2017
How do you distance yourself from someone or something that is detrimental to your well-being or is something that is no longer needed? How can you separate yourself from something you’ve been tied to for so long? I don’t believe the answer lies in the questions, but more in the actions.
The process is almost like purging. First, there is the realization that a situation is no longer healthy and a moment of reflection to be honest with yourself. There needs to be a change in thinking. There needs to be a change in behavior. There needs to be a total self-mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally- agreement that it’s okay to let go. The distance needs to happen. Distance is a separation between the here and there. Distance needs to happen to heal.
With someone, distance has to be between two parties. It’s really hard to get distance, to be completely away from someone, when one person lingers around because they want to maintain some kind of control; they want to continue to be manipulative. Distance must occur if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist. Yet, these types don’t seem to understand the concept of distance; only that there’s no dwelling under the same roof, arguing or flaunting things like extramarital affairs in front of the other’s face. Distance seems nearly impossible.
And if it’s something? Ask yourself a few questions. Is it a family heirloom? Is it something from your wedding? A relationship? A concert? Will you ever use it again? What is the purpose of you holding on to it? I held on to letters from old boyfriends from high school. When renovations were happening at my house, I had to pack up boxes and move them elsewhere. I chose to sort through them first. I re-read the letters and tossed them away. Something from a long past that was just part of the clutter at that time. There were other items, too, that was tossed out and boxes were condensed. I was in a place to accept that it was okay to distance myself from items that no longer held any special magical powers or meant anything.
So, my thesis. It’s coming along. I am still several chapters away from the point where Natalie’s coma keeps her distant from life. She won’t respond to Nick’s pleas. I envy her for being able to keep her distance, although it’s not by choice.
Distance is also a form of respect. I like to think that I am trying hard to distance myself from a narcissist, while I close the distance between me and my MA degree. The months are long with trying to expand the line between the Earth and the moon in a relationship. The months go by fast as the gap decreases between now and May, for graduation, and June, during the last day of classes for my degree. I will continue to remain distant. Will need to cut communication to help create a larger gap in my life. I am okay with this because I need to return to my thesis to help Natalie realize she’s in a good spot, despite the circumstances, because Nick can’t hurt her while she remains distant.