11 February 2017
I keep trying to reach out, grasping, finding something to latch onto. I discover what I am grabbing is me-catching myself before I fall from being off-balance. My focus is on me and only me. This is my time to be selfish, to do what needs to be done to take care of myself. I can’t worry about someone else. I can’t worry about how that someone else feels. However, I do welcome the warm thoughts that I am not alone in these thoughts. Friends and family echo this sentiment and are standing behind me, ready to catch me if I fall backwards when I can’t seem to find a way to stumble forward.
A latch requires two or more objects to work in joining the pieces together. Metaphorically, wedding bands and wedding rings are a type of a latch, plus a written contract, that joins two people together. Without sawing the metal in half, it’s hard to break this latch. Unless there’s another force in the mix, and someone is trying to find a new attachment; attempting to put different pieces together that simply aren’t going to work…at all. Does removing a band constitute a broken contract? If done deliberately, yes, but it’s the official signature that will break the contract, releasing the latch. The latch will break and the attachments fall off. Once this happens, it’s irreparable.
This is week four of the term. I have no idea how I have survived, but I will finish out the week strong. This is peer review week, for both of my classes, and I feel empowered being surrounded by students/writers reaching to achieve the same goal: to have a completed thesis by the time we’re done with our classes (for me, it’s June 11!). Next week is the halfway point and there is more of my thesis to write, as assigned. My protagonist, Natalie, is going to believe she is following her dream path. She will lose herself as she latches onto an ideal. She won’t stumble as I have been doing; she will crash to the ground.
A latch and the attachments are only as strong as they have been properly secured. Sometimes they might disengage because the wood or material was weak. They can only break when someone tries to forcefully break the mechanism. My latch is dangling by a tiny thread, but the damage has already been done. I reach for a railing if there is one close by; family and friends are near. Otherwise, I am focusing on my inner strength to begin building my own latch and attachments.