13 October 2017
I’m about ready to block anyone from Oslo, especially those on Linkedin. This is what happens when there’s a breakdown in trust. I don’t trust anyone. I don’t trust him. I certainly don’t trust her; she’s the one who knew very well she was messing around with a married man. Could it bite me in the ass later? Maybe, but there’s a reason I blocked him AND her earlier in the year, after they were going into my contacts. Trust-it’s gone. I have four walls up, carefully guarded.
Interesting things keep happening when I travel. This last trip was long-almost too long for a conference that kept me super busy, and I was completely exhausted. Was…am. I meet new people no matter where I am. What’s going to happen in San Francisco? Australia? New Zealand? Walt Disney World?
I’ve met some of the nicest people I know through the Society of Petroleum Engineers. I keep meeting new people. I also have the best network around the globe, and there are so many people ready to help me. The rate of daily conversations around the globe is increasing. When nice people connect and build relationships, bridges close the gap. When good people go bad, especially when they know exactly what they’re doing, those bridges catch on fire and collapse.
My eyes are still open. I continue to observe my surroundings. While I don’t often mention some of my more striking qualities, I know my eyes are shining bright green, and people are taking notice. Before I left for San Antonio, I was partnered with an older woman in my Tabata and boot camp class. She said, “I notice you’re always smiling.” I was not smiling 9 months ago, but I learned to focus on exercise, digging deep to feel the burn, sweat my ass off, and look in the mirror occasionally to see how much more weight has dropped while my muscles begin to tone. Now my friends tell me over and over again I am glowing.
What else are they noticing?
I’ve always been drawn to men with dark hair. Being exposed to other cultures, I watch, listen, and observe. I take notice of my thoughts. What’s interesting is that I’m “scanning” more now, even though I’m NOT looking for anything. Things continue to happen: for a reason, for a purpose, for this moment in time, for this moment in my life.
So, what happens when you meet a really nice (and hot, I might add…what’s happening to me!) guy? This is a good question. Introduce yourself. Be straight up-because I have done nothing wrong, and I know who I am; invite him out to a social event because he’s new and didn’t have anything else planned for the night. I’m also not going into any further details. Because, after all, what happens in San Antonio stays in San Antonio. The new friendship may, or may not, show up in the next novel. It’s also part of being guarded.
If there’s an unpleasant experience, it doesn’t get written in; some characters aren’t worth the words or energy because they remain stagnant and won’t progress or evolve. I am being very careful in my approach to introduce people, or even characters, who can be identified. I am using my creative license, and, if asked about the identity, I will deny everything.
Eight nights and nine days. I finally had the opportunity to golf in the Quarry (featured image), although we (my team) weren’t sure the rain was going to stop, but it disappeared after an hour and we had a great time. It was the perfect beginning to three days of super hard committee work.
I wore every pair of shoes I brought with me. I even bought a pair of dress heels to a reception and a luncheon. I have significantly moderated my drinking at home, now I need to work on the public scene. Some of my newer clothes are slightly draping. I am used to the looks of utter shock when friends see me for the first time after meeting up 3/5/8 and 12 months later, and I simply nod and smile. While this is somewhat about me, it’s also research. I am attempting to figure out who my protagonist is, what: does she want, does she desire; her secrets, fears; what motivates her.
I am observing interactions, things I hear.
I don’t know what the future has in store for me, but I know it’s exciting. Even a new friend advised me not to jump into anything. I haven’t, and I won’t; he doesn’t understand this part of me yet. He’s only recently experienced the honesty of a me, the NY’er that comes out, but I have been kind. Honesty-all cards out on the table. I believe that the next man who wants to be a part of my life needs to understand, and not be afraid, of the strength I possess. The previous one I was with was too afraid and bolted. What a buffoon.
Writing. NaNoWriMo is getting closer! I am very excited to begin working on my next novel, and even more excited to be in San Francisco. I haven’t had a chance to catch up on the news, but I need to see how much the wildfires are affecting wine country. It was on my list next month. With the majority of my SPE commitments over with for a short time, I can focus more on writing. I am looking forward to writing hours on end in November; to let the words consume me, the pages, and just flow.
Something I discovered in San Antonio is I am readily available to do something fun, especially for the benefit of others. I was scheduled for a video interview with SPE’s social media guru, Molly. I tweet under a pseudonym (for the section), and have my own Twitter account. Once my business is underway, I will be using that too. I interviewed, then was asked for something short for Instagram and Twitter. I am not stranger to the camera or stage, and readily accepted. Besides, the energy was infectious! It went both ways, and there was a tweeting conversation about the world not being able to handle three of us (and a gif of the “Three Amigos” was inserted). It’s true. The world is not ready for us three: Karen, Molly and Heidi. In fact, someone mentioned alerting a foreign country that I would be there. I make an impact on lives and vice-versa.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’m a (super) volunteer and writer. I don’t have conquests, I have experiences. I don’t have an alternate agenda, I have motivation, a dynamic personality, and a ridiculous amount of energy (matching that of a 30-year old) because I refuse to let life slow me down, or be knocked down by an ex-husband who made the worst decision of his life. I refuse to let this divorce define me, and I am slowly getting there. I’m guessing in 2 years it won’t be a topic, I try not to let it control my conversation right now. I remind myself to remain cognizant of what I say and how I act; one clarification I need to obtain is what I said about myself when asked. /facepalm. I don’t remember. #foreheadmeetbrickwall
I am smiling more these days. I’m happy. I’m laughing a lot, and not afraid to laugh. It’s no small laugh by any means. It’s genuine and comes from deep within. It’s nice to feel happy, and I make sure I am doing something every day to remain happy. Life is too short, and I know this sting too well from the loss of my parents and brother. You don’t forget, you learn how to live with it, and keep the happy memories locked tightly in your heart and mind.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Mohadesa Najumi, “The woman who does not require any validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.”
Photo: Courtesy of Google Images